I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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