No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
