god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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