i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
