I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
