get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
