you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I wish i was in the wii world.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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