I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize