Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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