My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm like, not good at living.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
