Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize