My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
