I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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