weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
