I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
