I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
