This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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