Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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