It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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