He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
