that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
