Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
