Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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