I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize