I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize
