Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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