um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
