I hate your face
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
