some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
