@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
