how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
