is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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