I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
