____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
