I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
