Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
