i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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