she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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