i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
