It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
