you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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