I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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