I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
