this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
