Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
