Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
