I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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