Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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