I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
