I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Randomize
