Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
