Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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