the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
