i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Of course I have a pirate flag
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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