The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
