We're like a lot better than the average bears
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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