Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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