I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
