I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
