well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
