Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
