I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
