Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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