I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
