stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
