My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize