I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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