You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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