There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
