He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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