I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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