His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
