I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize