well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
