Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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