The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize