A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
